Sadness that I will carry till I die due to the sad reality.

I have been wandering in this world for 27 years now! The first 7
years, I spent playing in our backyard, just playin and eating and
making some headeaches for my parents. Then the 6 years, I spent in
elementary. The next 5 years, I spent in college. The other 5 years, I
spent working as educated individual. But then now its my 27th
birthday, I feel like giving up! I just silently tell to myself na
"Ayoko na! Ayoko na! Ayoko na!". I don't feel significant anymore!
Where am I going? What am I doing in my life? Yesterday, I spent three
hours searching for job opportunities both here and abroad. I realized
it's really difficult! If only I have a daddy that is millionaire, I
shouldnt have suffered these things. If only I have a CEO friend whom
I could easily ask for a job, I should have been out it this company
long time ago. Im just afraid to give up coz when I give up, only
myself is going to catch me. I know, some people here in ASTI really
hopes for my resignation.... but I just can't do that without a backup
income or job. But amidst this dilemna in my life, I still care to
spend so much and live as if Im rich! Why am I like this? I am the
only hope to help my family, but what is happening to me? I am in a
career path that is very low in opportunities. I am doing many things
that wouldn't even add up a single value to my career. I am an ECE but
look at what I am now? I was placed in a type of job that does things
I haven't studied in my college years. I am an ECE but who's using my
license? I am 27 years old, but what is my value, I am still
nothing!!! My parents or family did not even remember my birthday
right now. I really feel so sad today. Although there is a person whom
I can be happy of because of the gift and friendship we share, I still
don't really like what is happening. I know Im a man of
discontentment. Im a sinner! I am a non-sense researcher! Im a
no-value engineer! Im am no-value in the face of God! Im no value to
everyone! No matter what I do, or no matter i will do, I will not be
able to turn back time and correct myself. I have been trapped in the
sea of sinners! I have been trapped in a stagnant sea that no matter
how strong I row my boat, I just can't stop the current flowing
through me. I know, I no longer have the chance, but I will still live
for the sake of my dreams. Now I realize, dreams may not all come
true. What shall i do now? Im just an ordinary person who has many
things in mind but my environment is just so full of influence and
power that I can't stretch my wings in order to fligh high. From now
on, hindi na talaga ako tatawa. I really dont feel that I should be
happy of this world! I am no longer dreaming that when I die, angels
would sing to me. I am no longer dreaming that God will help me coz I
feel like I am abondoned now. The more I add to my years of stay in
this world, the more I get separated to my family and the more I feel
insignificant.... What if I just return to Bicol and start a new life
there? What if I just apply for a job abroad and take a risk in
spending big money just to work in foreign soil? What ifs... what
ifs.. what ifs... too many possibilities but very hard to choose which
one is going to be best for me. In my own opinion, I will no longer
cope up with the world for the next 5 years! I will remain an
insignificant and incompetent person to the years to come. Well,
that's what life is all about! Not all people becomes successful... If
only God will help me. If only those powerful unseen things in nature
would help me. If only those things I couldn't see would help me. If
only God will teach me the right direction in life.... If only I have
caring parents.... If only I have loving brothers and sisters.... If
only I am a normal person... This is my birthday but then I feel so
sad. Sadness that I will carry till I die due to the sad reality. >>Read more