Lord, Please help me find my original self.

Until now, Im still in the middle of self-realization and I come to askquestions below:Im really feel confused on what to do today? Im confused on what direction my life is taking?Im afraid of what will happen to my mom now that she is sick again?Im troubled whenever I think of the four years I have been disoriented?Im regretful of the time I have wasted?I feel pity whenever I think of my family, my brothers and sisters?I grow lonely each day as I continue to walk without direction in my life.Where do I want to go? Why do I live in this world? what should I do and whatI should have done? what's the significance of my life? Is there something I ammissing which makes it so difficult to advance to next phases of my life?When I was a child, I dreamt of just being a teacher.... now Im an engineer!when I was in high school, I asked God, please let me be a valedictorian, andHe did made me one. I promised this is the last thing I will ever ask.But when I graduated in high school, prayer and faith in God saved me. Godgave the scholarship... maybe its the answer my prayers. I often said to myself"Kung gusto talaga ako ng Diyos na makatulong sa pamilya ko...". I often silently say this whenever I feel hopeless to reach my dreams in life. But Godhas been so nice to me. When Im in college, I asked God to make me a Cum Laude...He did helped me again. Though I promised thats the last thing I will ask fromHim, He still give me more and never returns my promises. During those hardships,I often say "Lord, kayo na lang po nagmamahal sa akin." I often feel reliefwhenever I virtually accept that there is still someone loving me which is God.But then, after graduation till now, my life has changed. Before, I was sodependent on God's comfort through prayers and meditation, but I even hatelistening to his words. Before, I love to read the bible hoping it will help mefinish my studies, but now the bible I used to read has been covered with dust.Before, I always think for the welfare of my family and I even dedicate to them why Im doing all this, but now I am more on working just for the happiness andpleasure of myself. WHY????????????????????????? I want to change and go back tomy old self... HOW????????????????????? The people, the workplace, the influences,the technologies, the culture and everything has engulfed my original self andhas transformed me into a little devil which is slowly growing as each day passes.Im so afraid about what my life will be. Im happy to what Im doing right nowbut I think I will be more happy if what Im doing is what Im supposed to bedoing based on my original self. Lord, Please help me find my original self. >>Read diary